DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

I got this message from a friend through FB. It was inspiring so I wanted post it here as a remembrance.

Those who are still single may learn something from here.
Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage...

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their
idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it
was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, could drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.
You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you.
You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out.
That's why we have the expression "the labor of love."

Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. .. you can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.

Remember this always:

"God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."

So, spent your lifetime finding out the loveable things about your spouse so that you could LOVE your spouse everyday in every way in an EVERLASTING marriage. That is why granpa's love to your granma seems so PURE.
Remember, you are with the "RIGHT" person. If not, you wouldn't have wanted to marry your spouse in the first place.

爱情以友情的边缘

上个星期看了Jeff 的你在等他？让我想起某时读过的一篇作文。人生变幻莫测。。。我们都经历过许许多多的疑问和遗憾。两个人可能相爱过，也可能喜欢着彼此。但是，为了什么原因他们没能在一起？

也许他为了朋友之间的义气，不能追你。
也许为了顾及家人的意见 ，你们没有在一起。
也许为了自己的前程，他没有要你等他。
也许你们相遇太早，还不懂得珍惜对方。
也许你们相遇太晚，你们身边已经有了另一个人。
也许你回头太迟，对方已不再等待。
也许你们彼此在捉摸对方的心，而迟迟无法跨出界线。

久而久之，即使你们没在一起，你们还是保持了朋友的关系。
但是你们心底清楚，对这个人，你比朋友还多了一份关心。
即使不能跟他名正言顺的牵着手逛街，你们还是可以做无所不谈的朋友。

他有喜欢的人，你口头上会帮他追，心里却不是很清楚你是不是真的希望他追到。
他遇到困难时，你会尽你所能的帮他，不会计较谁又欠了谁。
男女朋友吃醋了，你会安抚他们说你和他只是朋友，但你心中会有那么一丝的不确定。

每个人这辈子，心中都有过这幺一个特别的朋友，很矛盾的行为。
一开始你不甘心只做朋友的，但久了，突然发现这样最好。
你宁愿这样关心他，总好过你们在一起而有天会分手。
你宁愿做他的朋友，彼此不会吃醋，才可以真的无所不谈。
特别是这样，你还是知道，他永远会关心你的。
做不成男女朋友，当他那个特别的朋友，有什么不好呢？
你心中的这个特别的朋友……? 是谁呢？

很多的感情，都因为一厢情愿，最后连朋友都当不成了。
常常觉得惋惜，可惜一些本来很好的友情，最后却因为对方的一句喜欢你。。。
如果你没有反应，这一段友情似乎也难以维持下去了。。。

这也难怪有些人会因此不肯踏出这一步。
因为这就像是一场赌注，表白了之后不是成了男女朋友，要不就连朋友都当不成了。
有些事不是你能预料的，或许对方不在意，你们还可以是朋友，但却已经不如从前的。。。

其实，对于爱情，越单纯越幸福！一生只谈一次恋爱是最好的（就像Jeff 那样）。经历的太多了，会麻木，分离多了，会习惯，换恋人多了，会比较，到最后你会不再相信爱情，你会自暴自弃，你会毫无生气，你会行尸走肉，你会与一个你不爱的人结婚，就这样过一辈子。。。

所以牵好的手就不要轻易放开，说过的话就不要轻易收回，承诺过的人就不要轻易忘记。。。有些人，有些事，既然发生了。。。就注定是你一生的回忆。。。